Did you know that your body is a genius? Like really, it’s a fucking superstar! I had a spontaneous burst of gratitude this week for my body and the recognition of everything my body does for me.
Some of you know that I’ve spent a lot of the last 2 years really struggling with my health. After years of working to unpack many negative beliefs about my body and create new ways of connecting with and loving my body, I felt like I was in a place of fighting my body again. Not only was I feeling physically unwell and incapable of my normal way of being; my joints were constantly swollen, I gained 20lbs over 6 weeks, I was almost constantly deeply fatigued (among other more serious symptoms)- I also felt like I was aging rapidly- both internally and externally; suddenly wrinkles were etching my face, my muscles were losing their shape and my skin was not as plump or elastic as I was used too. It was an incredible challenge not to fall into self-loathing again.
Instead I choose to try to shift my perception to see this as “perfect”. There were internal shifts taking place, blocks being met and released, and something beyond my conscious mind was happening that needed my support, not my anger and resentment. It has been frustrating (to say the least) not to fit into clothes or costumes, not to be able to move in ways I’ve been used to, to see pictures of myself that don’t represent the me I see in my mind, and it has been a beautiful opportunity to let go and to trust my body and its journey.
I have done a lot of very focused healing over the last 2 years. It has involved the medical system, my naturopath, my traditional Chinese doctor, Shamanism and self-healing on a very deep level. What I’ve learned from all of it, is that my body is a fucking genius!
Throughout this process my body never fought me, I was always the one fighting my body. My body was 100% on my side, trying it’s best to protect me and to heal. When I was quiet and still, I could listen to it’s suggestions and I made decisions like putting off a colonoscopy for 3 months, so I could instead go to Mexico, rest, relax and listen more closely to what my body was asking for. It whispered things that I had been avoiding hearing for years. It told me to let go, to rest, to stop my relentless drive to succeed and to instead just be. Like a spoiled child I had been rebelling and it wasn't until this past January when the fatigue was so great that I couldn't push past it that I truly stopped and fully started to listen. With care and focus and support my body has healed and as I walked in the sunshine this week, with a feeling of elation (rather than exhaustion) I was overcome with gratitude for a body that tells me what it needs (if I’m willing to listen) and that heals from everything I put it through.
So, thank goddess for our beautiful bodies, that are like universes of activity under the surface, that always work towards our highest benefit and continue on without recognition or love most of the time.
I am deeply grateful for this body and its innate wisdom.