Why, hello there lovelies! ❤️
I feel like we have started on a new path this week. The double, intense full moons of October are over, and we have survived the anxiety-filled US election!
I am fighting against the dark — it gets dark at 5pm here!! Wasn’t I just on the naked beach???
And I have started a new era in my life. I left a home and a situation that I have been tied to for the last 5 years. I feel bright and filled with gratitude despite the external darkness.
As we are moving into this last phase of our year what are you grateful for from 2020?
I was chatting with a friend a few nights ago. We have been getting closer and sharing our stories, and he asked how I could find a purpose in the abuse and trauma I lived through growing up. It is such an integral part of who I am that I don’t really question it anymore. I feel anger and sadness for the child who was me; who wasn’t protected and who was hurt, but I don’t begrudge what happened or ask ‘why me’ or wonder what could have been. I see the incredible gifts that have arisen from what I have experienced. I truly don’t believe that I could do the work that I do without having experienced what I have lived through. It offers me the gifts of compassion, empathy, and the ability to see things from many perspectives. From a spiritual level, I see it as a deep experience of the human condition. Now, I would never tell someone who has or is experiencing abuse: “Hey you’re just fully exploring the human condition” — that would be some serious spiritual bypassing bullshit! That being said, I can look back, as an adult who is safe and able to provide for herself, and say that about my past experiences and what shows up for me now.
The other part of this is that I am now actively finding ways to remove myself from situations that are no longer offering me what I need to learn. Sometimes it's messy, and I get triggered and act badly, but more and more I am finding ways to gracefully disengage. That feels good. This year, 2020, has provided fertile ground for this type of exploration.
For me, learning to separate in healthy ways — combined with having to separate because of a pandemic — has made me put more time and focus into the connections I’m wanting to grow. I am feeling SO grateful for the blossoming and deepening of my friendships and community.
2020 has pushed me to take HUGE and scary leaps in my business and even though they are still in process I am excited for what is to come and grateful that I got ‘pushed off the edge’ so to speak.
2020 has kept me from relying on what were easy, but perhaps not healthy, comfort zones. I have had to investigate what my needs are in every area of my life, how people show up for me, and how I show up for others. It has shone a light on all of the corners that I would have preferred to keep in the shadows. I have had to do a full house cleaning (literally and figuratively). That would have been fucking hard to do in pre-covid times, but because of the craziness of this year it has all been pushed to the forefront and I am grateful for that.
This year has been the pressure that creates diamonds. We have seen people around the world rise up and denounce oppression and racism. We have seen communities take care of each other. We have seen people supplying groceries, money, and love to people who have been isolated. We have experienced deep shifts in learning about and experiencing things from other perspectives — whether that has meant learning about slavely and colonization or learning about the systemic barriers and inequities that affect access to services during a pandemic. We have been given the opportunity to look more deeply and to learn about all of these things in ways that were not as accessible before. It seems that a global health crisis was the extreme interruption necessary to bring the attention of mainstream media and other institutions to these societal violences.
For this moment, then, I want to take a deep breath and take stock of every good thing — every vital, thoughtful conversation — that happened this year and every important, juicy thing that 2020 itself has brought.
I’m having my own personal end of an era and I think that world wide we are all experiencing one.
What are the best things that have happened to you this year? The most important things? What are the gifts that 2020 has brought?
As always, I am sending you SO MUCH LOVE!!!
Rosie ❤️
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