I have created a course called Calling In A Partner, and I felt compelled to share my own journey with this course.
I created it out of the work I was doing around my own healing, and because of the need I was feeling in my community.
I’ve spent a lot of time healing in the realm of romantic relationships over the last 3+ years. I have also been very successful throughout my life using ritual and visualization to bring my partners to me. Now, like always, I want to share what has been impactful and beneficial in my own life with all of you beautiful humans.
This course has already become much more than I had originally envisioned. First of all, the last time I offered this course, I personally decided in Week 2 that I am not yet ready to call in my next partner. One of the profound benefits of this offering is gaining solid discernment about what you want in your life and who you want to be. It came to me quickly that I still have some healing to do in this realm AND that (aside from missing sex!) I LOVE being single right now. I have been exploring how to have beautiful friendships with cis men (my relationships with women, trans, and non-binary humans are already pretty amazing), how to have a long-distance lover, and how to get more of my needs for intimacy met through my friendships.
I’ve also been testing out how to deal with triggers in a healthy way.
Here is a post I shared in our FB group just a week ago:
“So I had my first trigger with my lover/friend. It was really interesting. What came up for me was deep worry about getting stuck in my previous pattern of being the Healer/Mentor/Nurturer in my relationships. Specifically, creating a healing environment and putting a lot of emotional labor into my male romantic partners, and generally not getting to see the direct benefit. Instead, they tend to bring that newly healed, well-nurtured self to their next relationship — or that's how I choose to see it (it’s not usually as black and white as that).
To be clear, J. (that's what we'll call him) did nothing inappropriate and has been quite careful in making sure my needs are met — it was literally one benign text that sent me into a tailspin for a couple of days until I could figure out what was causing my fear.
My initial response was to flip the table — I had a huge FUCK YOU response, which would have been COMPLETELY inappropriate. Instead, I took some time to figure out why I was feeling so triggered.
In part, I realized that I am not yet fully asking for what I want because I don't know exactly what that is right now. I obviously have some deep wounding in that area that has yet to heal and some work to do around asking for and discerning what my needs actually are.
I'm seeing this as an opportunity to learn how to deal with a trigger in a healthy way — in a way that feels like it's in-line with my integrity and who I want to be in a relationship.
So I will talk to J. next week about my fears and what triggered them. I feel awkward bringing this up, and I understand that open communication sometimes feels uncomfortable, but I will muddle through.”
What ‘Calling In A Partner’ has become is an incredibly supportive community where we can share in real-time what our experiences are around romantic partnerships, some of our core wounding as it comes up, and how we are exploring new partnerships as we get into them.
The group is still going strong, even two months after the last class. Some people have called in their partners. Some, like me, have decided that they need more time and are slowly dipping their toes into romance. Some are enjoying the misadventures of dating. Some have dived into deeper healing with Marissa Boyce (our on staff counselor) by starting some private sessions with her. I think that we have all gained much more discernment and clarity in an incredibly supportive and loving environment.
Facilitating this course has been incredibly fulfilling and I love that I get to geek out publicly about all of the things I’ve been studying and using for my own healing for the past number of years!
I truly hope you’ll join in! You can check out the next start date here:
